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CHAPTER VI The Dream
How could she have done this? Who has she been seeing? What should I do?
He thought in the dark, agitated and pained by the discovery of his beloved's pregnancy. His head hurt. Terrible, jealous thoughts of her with another man flooded his brain, relentless and torturing. Impossible to sleep! He knew that to make much of this would accomplish nothing but embarrassment and disgrace. Despite the shock, the agony, the humiliation, he loved her still. He felt robbed. He felt robbed of his rights as a husband. He felt robbed of her virginity. He felt robbed of his wife. He felt robbed of the very love of his life. In his pain and his rage he thought, She has done enough already to disgrace herself--and me! The possibility of stoning entered his head. This he could not endure. He considered a quiet divorce. He would have to write a letter. He would need at least two witnesses. Who? What would become of her? What does a pregnant woman with no husband do?
Joseph made things from wood. Over the years of working with his father, he had become an extraordinary craftsman who could make a beautiful toy for a child, or a prized piece of furniture for a Roman home. Carpentry was his talent, but it was also his business. Joseph's trade, as long as he was healthy, guaranteed his income. He was not rich, but neither was he among the poor. The best thing that had ever happened to him was this lovely virgin, the most beautiful, gentle creature he had ever known. Mary possessed his heart, his every thought. The desire to build her a home and for her to have his children consumed him. Knowledge of her pregnancy staggered him beyond endurance, shattering his dreams and along with his dreams, his heart. His mind tortured and pained, drew him into a vacuum of agonizing loneliness. The pit in his stomach turned into stone, and from stone into the excruciating lava of pain.
Shattered dreams are the cruelest torturers. They lurk behind visions of contentment as hungry scavengers. They sear the heart with agony unimagined. They destroy life. They make one pull away from something good for fear that it will be taken away. It is easier and less painful to pull away from your dreams yourself than to have them ripped from you. It is easier to avoid the risk of rejection than to actually be rejected. That is why so few dare to dream, dare to risk, dare to try. Woman? She is hardly more than a child. What is wrong with me? I thought she loved me. Why would she seek comfort in the arms of another? Outside a cricket chirped. Stars leisurely pirouetted, preparing to meet the dawn. Wearily, his body shifted into a position of quiet, somniferous breathing . . . "Joseph, son of David?" Words that made his eyelids tremble. He glanced toward the casement before closing his eyes again. Still dark outside. Not yet time to get up. He felt himself sink deeper into his bed. At last it felt good, like a womb. In a moment his hypnotic breathing returned. "Joseph, son of David!" Son of David? He hadn't thought of himself in those terms for years. The words comforted him. His breathing deepened. Words whispered quietly into his dreams. Words emitting no sounds, only thoughts. Words permeating his mind. "Joseph, son of David!" Strange thoughts formed as he slept, "Take Mary to yourself . . . as your wife . . . not to fear that she is with child . . . The corners of his lips teased into a questioned smile. What is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit . . .
She will give birth to a son. God's Son--your son . . .
You will give him a name . . . give him the name, Jesus, He will save his people from their sins . . .
Remember the words of the prophet Isaiah . . . 'A virgin will conceive and be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel,' which means, "God with us . . .'"
. . . your son, Joseph . . . He awoke with an enormous sense of release and peace. Mary still a virgin? He loved her more intensely than ever before. Can it be? More than life, he wanted her to be his. He needed no further encouragement to do what his dreams had released him to do. Dreams do have a way of colliding with judgment.
Mary's mother opened the door to let in the morning air. There stood Joseph. The surprise of his unannounced presence provoked her. Their last conversation had been tense, accusative. Despite wanting to believe her daughter's story, she had wondered if, in truth, Joseph and Mary had yielded to their sexual urges. Now look at the mess they had on their hands! Joseph, of course, had been overwhelmed at the news of Mary's pregnancy and outraged at her mother's accusations regarding his integrity and his good intentions. He had left the house in anger and hadn't returned until now. "I am sorry to startle you." Joseph ventured, "but I wanted to tell you that I know that Mary is with your cousin, Elizabeth." The mother's hand went to her mouth in alarm. "I am leaving this morning to get her. Please make the wedding plans while I am gone." She took a deep breath that betrayed her relief. Her face allowed a cautious smile. She knew the law. She knew that Joseph could easily put Mary away, voiding the contract between them, perhaps even have her stoned, if he had chosen. "Dear mother," he continued, "an angel came to me in a dream last night. He told me that this child is of the Holy Spirit. That it is a boy and that his name shall be called, "Jesus!" They spoke the same word at the same time. Each stared at the other, aghast. She had told no one of the baby's name, especially Joseph. Knowing, deeply knowing that a thing is true, despite all contrary natural evidence, is indeed, a thing of awe. This was such a moment. This was a moment of knowing. "He will be born into the house of David," Joseph spoke as though the statement was prophetic. After a long reflective pause, he put his hand on her shoulder and smiled. The tension between them had evaporated. "I'll be back in about two weeks with Mary--and your grandson."
"So Joseph took Mary as his wife--gladly! He knew that he loved her and that was exactly what God required of him. Joseph and Mary were quietly married. He took her to his home and there they waited as her middle continued to swell. Though his desire was to share pleasure with his wife, they had no union until she gave birth to her son--his son.
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